Lex Thoughts

What to Do When You Feel Like You’re NOT Killing It


In a world where everyone presents the best versions of themselves on social media it is easy to be hard on ourselves. We’re all “real”, but only the “real” version of ourselves that we want people to see. The REAL person will probably never make an appearance on social media (ever).

I am candid about not being able to spend like a Kardashian, but a year and half ago when I was making nearly half of what I make now I was not sharing the fact that I lived paycheck to paycheck and supplemented with credit cards. I joke about my spending like all millenials do, but never do I share that I really need to get a handle on it if I want to make the next “adult” steps in life like owning a home, etc. I share my career successes now, but two years ago when I was in a dead-end job crying on a weekly basis it was all sunshine and roses on the social media front.

While I have had a lot of positive changes in my life, the reason I feel like I am “killing it” now is because of a change of outlook. It’s not a front anymore because I have decided to be happy with where I am right now and work towards where I want to be. I decided to stop counting other people’s blessings and realize my own. There are things about myself that I would like to change. Rather than putting them off I am slowly starting to work on them.

If you feel like you are not killing it, this post is for you:

You are already killing it.

Are you the exact person you were on this day one year ago? I don’t know you, but I would say you probably aren’t. Even if the positive changes were small, you have grown! So, do not work towards simply killing it, work towards killing it more than you ever have.

Don’t make unrealistic comparisons.

On social media, it is really easy to see that girl on the yacht sipping champagne, showing off her perfect body in a bikini. and say, “What in the world am I doing wrong?!”. The short answer is nothing. The long answer is that the yacht is probably owned by a creepy old man and that perfect body was likely purchased (or her #sponsored posts provide enough of an income that she has time to work out for three hours a day with a trainer). The champagne, well you can go buy some right now if you really want it.

There is no point in comparing yourself to this girl because she has a life that most people do not have. Look around your friends circle. Unless they’re all riding around on yachts on the regular I’d say you’re doing just fine. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming of that kind of life, but actually beating yourself up about it is silly.

PS- not knocking the #sponsored life, just clearing things up!

Scratch that, don’t make ANY comparisons.

You may not see that girl on a yacht and get jealous. It may be your college friend who was recently engaged and bought a home with their significant other, that random Facebook friend who is starting an amazing job at a kick a** company, or that person who seems like they are always on vacation. First realize that no one’s life is perfect. No relationship is perfect. No job is perfect. No vacation is perfect. Then realize if they can do it so can you.

Don’t complain about it, change it.

You can change the things you don’t like about your life. Hate your job? Apply aggressively until you find a new one. If you’re not getting responses, ask a knowledgable friend to take a look at your resume/cover letter.  Have a salary number in mind and only take the job that gets you there (or as close as possible). Know your worth. Want to buy property? Figure out the steps it will take to get there financially. Feeling the need to travel? Save up and book a trip. Been single for a long time? Evaluate why your last three relationships or flings that did not work. Was it your behavior? Was it the type of partner you usually go for? Is it the places where you are meeting them? You cannot force love, but your can look into where you could be better so that you’re ready when it comes .

Long story short, if you don’t like it, take the steps needed to change it.

Take stock of the good things in your life.

Above all else, be grateful. Again, I don’t know you (or your struggles), but I guarantee there are things in your life that are good. Whether it is family, friends, health, success, love, or all of the above — be thankful. Sit and write down everything amazing about your life. The list will probably be longer than you think it is. Keep that list and every time you want to be hard on yourself look at it. The good usually outweighs the bad.

You’re killing it. Keep it going!

PS – I FaceTune most of my seflies. I suck in/flex anytime I take a gym photo. I share the positive moments of my job, but there are more hard/stressful days than happy ones some weeks. I have a loving long-term relationship, but I am also pushing thirty on the brink of getting engaged and have no clue when it’ll happen. This means I have turned into a completely unhinged person (sorry Brian). I love my family, but we drive each other absolutely crazy sometimes. I travel, but I ball on a major budget. There a lot of trips I still cannot afford to take. My life is FAR from the perfect picture I paint on social media, but I know I’m killing it IRL and have a lot to be thankful for so it’s all good.

This post is the kick-off of a new series called “Unsolicited Advice” where Alexa gives her readers advice they didn’t ask for.

GIFs via Giphy


  1. i really loved this, i have been feeling like this for long time and today i just feel happy with my life nothing has chaeged. just how i see my life. thanks for this 🙂 xx

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